09 June 2006 11:03 a.m.
the most exciting day EVAR
i was on the phone with ET the Enfant Terrible when the humid air was filled with a humming that grew incessantly louder. Harvey the diagnostician emerged from his lab to see what the cause was, and together, we gaped at the helicopter gliding 30 feet (!) above us. it bobbed to the car park building and landed on the roof.
in the time it took to land, half the diagnostic staff and Dr. Warren had joined us to watch the spectacle (our top floor department has the best view). people emerging from the emergency department craned their necks, trying to see through the trees. was it a VIP visit? a VIP patient?
"dudes, it's Airwolf!"
Harvey muttered, "maybe it's James Blunt."
George the general worker said, "HOY." (to the helicopter)
"what is it doing?"
"maybe it's a pilot exam."
after watching it hover and land a few times, Dr. Warren was moved to heckle it.
"BASTARDS, IS THIS WHY I PAY TAXES, SO YOU JERKS CAN FART AROUND IN SHITTY EQUIPMENT ARSING AROUND WITH YOUR LANDING GEAR?"
the insignificant speck that is mankind railing against the disinterest of an enormous, impersonal universe? the truth is, we were all 5 years old again, clutching our funfair cotton candy, and Dr. Warren was the kid who wasn't tall enough to go on the roller-coaster.
the first helicopter left, and a second one (a green military one!) arrived an hour later. this time, a bigger audience had gathered on our balcony, including people who weren't even from our department. the excited speculations continued.
"maybe it's going to Indonesia!"
"but Indonesia is the other way."
"maybe the admin wants UMMC to be like the other hospital with helicopters."
"maybe it's an organ delivery!"
in the end, Dr. Francis was the only one to give a plausible (and sadder) reason - a patient with terminal cancer wanted to spend her last days at home, which is in Kelantan, one of the northern states that shares a border with Thailand. apparently, the dean himself had requested the choppers. but why two? and why so many landings?
03 June 2006 10:48 a.m.how i nearly never was: a true story
once upon a time, communists still ran around Sarawak. grandpa was a police captain (eh?), and when he was posted to a Miri police station, dad went along with him.
one day, as he was minding his own business, the inspector came up to him and said, "hey, boy, do you want to go for a ride in this cool police car with no one else but me and the driver? you mustn't tell anyone!"
and 12 year old dad said, "okay!"
(does this sound like a Tenacious D song to you? sorry.)
so they drove around a bit until they came to a bridge, and the inspector said, "do me a favour - take a peek under there and tell me if you see anything strange!"
and dad said, "okay!"
there was nothing unusual to be seen under the bridge (omgwtf Red Hot Chili Peppers now), which dad reported to the inspector, who was seated in the car the whole time.
they then drove back to the barracks and dad kept his promise not to tell anyone.
a few days later, grandpa beat the shit out of the inspector.
grandpa said, "USE MY SON TO LOOK FOR A BOMB UNDER A BRIDGE, WILL YOU? I'MA FUCK YOU UP, ASSHOLE."
and after the beating, grandpa said, "AND IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN, I WILL SHOOT YOU, YOU WORTHLESS PRICK."
the inspector was shot a few years later by the father of one of dad's friends. he survived though, and presumably lived out the rest of his days in disgrace. or maybe the commies got him.
24 May 2006 5:14 p.m.saying i love you has nothing to do with meaning it
for fuck's sake, stop cat-calling me on days i wear my pink t-shirt. i like it and i look good in it and you're probably bitter your girlfriend/wife/whatever doesn't have the taste to follow suit. do i need to have Steve Nash escort me to my car to prevent future incidences (i'd like that)? you deserve to be pelted with pork chops because that's how you offend me, you pigs.
i can't believe i composed an entry in my head as it happened.
22 May 2006 3:27 p.m.he froze mid-step, but Captain Gerald Gecko's hesitancy would cost him his life
alternative home economics part 365: beautifying your door-frame
1. play hookey and surf the intarweb.
2. ignore bro23 leaving the house to go to college.
3. glance disinterestedly at him as he screams like a girl when he turns to close the front door.
4. shoot him an ugly look when he declares someone has to get rid of the gecko corpse, and leaves. and twigs (haha).
5. surf for a few more hours before remembering the task at hand.
6. take a look at the gecko. your fingers should twitch as though you're holding a camera.
7. get your camera. wonder what went through its mind before it was squished. ignore neighbours chatting over the fence. take some pictures.
8. put camera away. think of using bro23's clothes to pick the gecko up. settle for 4 layers of toilet paper (TP).
9. let out a pathetic little moan when you close the TP over its spongy little corpse. pull the tail away from where it stuck to the frame.
10. holding it at arm's length, do a frantic hop trying not to let the tail touch any part of your hand.
11. jog to the toilet (not too fast, or the tail might fall off), fling it in and flush. do not approach for an hour or more.
next week - how to get a male to change the toilet roll. keywords: taser, sleep/food deprivation.
12 May 2006 12:18 p.m.i could get into this
things i have made -
1. notebooks (a long time ago).
2. lipbalm (let me know if you want some :D).
3. a mess of my presentation on wednesday.
at my best, i am incoherent. it can only get better after that, right? i think i did alright with the question session that evening. Drs. Francis and Vivian had plenty to ask, although Dr. Vivian's grin of maniacal glee (something most undergrads will never see) told me that she was taking the mickey.
the head of the department joined us half way through the presentation, just as i was stumbling through the molecular aspect of my work. he got mixed-up thinking that a detection threshold of 10000 - 1000000 parasites was better than that of 100 (the opposite is true), and challenged me on that statement, thus keeping to the adage that since light travels faster than anything, people often appear bright before opening their mouths (am i going to get fired for that?).
the rest of the room mentally face-palmed themselves in despair, but you can't deny him an A for effort.
fortunately (for us), he will step down in june. if you ask the right people, you would end up with a very interesting gossip session.
anyway, the torture ended and everyone fell over each other fighting to get a banana fritter. i didn't get any at all, but it's alright, because from now on, i'll get to laugh at the other students who have to present their work.
by the way, my screen is a sickly yellow-green colour. is it terminal?
in other news, the NewScientist asks, "Is it coincidence a human finger fits exactly into a human nostril?"
overheard at the hypermart
"you know, i can get this cheaper in *Padang Besar."
maybe it wasn't that funny. i don't know, i was watching the cashier and his absurdly pretty eyes.
in other news, no one parked in front of our house today, heheheh (see previous entry for context etc).
* the border town between Malaysia and Thailand, about 540km away from Kuala Lumpur, i.e. very far.
30 April 2006 1:32 p.m.waitaminute
this car was parked beside the kerb outside my house.
it, and the cars of other visitors to the park obstructed traffic for about 4 hours.
this happens every weekend.
just because something is widely practised does not mean it is widely acceptable.
the usual punters have stickers that say "XXX golf club member" or "Burger King VIP customer!".
maybe she was covering up a bad paint job.
golly
Dear FriendsIt is with regret that we announce the cancellation of Wednesday's film MACHUCA. We apologise for the lateness of this notification.
In addition, the international film screenings we jointly organise at FINAS have been suspended until further notice. The reason for this decision is the article that was published in today's edition of "Berita Harian" in which it was claimed that FINAS was screening "filem lucah" ("pornographic films"). Of course we refute this scurrilous charge and will seek the reinstatement of the film screenings after a proper process of appraisal.
In the meantime, Kaki Kino will continue in its quest to promote high quality film culture from Malaysia and around the world.
We apologise once more to all those who have enjoyed and learned much from the film screenings.
stop screening films containing scenes with bare limbs, you KakiKino types!
12 April 2006 2:07 p.m.please kiss my booboo
fact of life #3271 - meat cleaver + skinny fingers + slightly dazed and confused from fever = OH NOES. who would have thought that the simple task of cutting broccoli would result in bloodshed?
if there was a bright side, it would be that broccoli is rich in iron. maybe. also, it's the ring finger on my right hand that is injured, and i'm left-handed and a search-and-peck sort of typist. and i'm staying home. AGAIN.
i'd take a picture, but i don't want to take the plaster off again, because when i changed it this morning, the wound bled anew ("anew"! see that, i'm making progress as a writer!). besides, we've seen enough zombie movies to know what crusted blood looks like, right?
i feel like i'm living an Irvine Welsh novel, but without the sex, drugs and depravity. or swearing. fuckit.
