see how the "original" sticker obscures the second of his 2 horns? then he is less horny omgwtf this is so lame. i hope he feels bad that John5 isn't in the band anymore. that man single-handedly converted 10,000 people into new fans (statistics loosely based on nothing).

me and my co-workers are so different. we have a radio in the lab, and it's constantly tuned to MixFM, which is actually Light & Easy with different presenters. it's just a heinous plot to drive me crazy, you know. today, when i was alone in the lab, i switched channels to RedFM, because Jeevan is always funny -

"as you know, there's only one United - Newcastle."

co-worker A came back, and i mentioned the channel-switching out of courtesy.

"why lah?" she said.

"they were playing Celine Dion on Mix," i explained, putting on my most sincere grimace. co-worker A gaped.

"you don't like Celine Dion???"

"no."

"why don't you like Celine Dion?!"

i had some errands to run, but the experience made me think i'd died and gone to hell - i was stuck behind all the types of people i've put down, i.e. slowpokes, morons and slowpoke moron drivers.

i went to the library wanting to make 2 copies of a one page letter. there was a person, an idiot, as it turned out, copying stuff from a hard-cover scientific journal. the idiot pushed the copy button. machine didn't copy. this was because that partticular tray had run out of paper. normal people select options from the touch screen. idiot opened the next tray, got the paper from there, and put it in the original empty tray and pressed "copy" again.

i leaned against a bookshelf and put on my best "you're an idiot" face. idiot carried on plagiarising copying. the machine ran out of paper again. she got her obese sidekick to nick paper from the next machine, which wasn't functioning (someone stole the power plug. no, not really). how can you not notice someone in red, and who is taller and infinitely more imposing than yourself? (blinkers, that's the answer.)

the idiot finally turned around. "do you have a lot to copy?" she said.

"nah, i just wanna make 2 copies," i said, and i was dumbfounded when she turned back to her work, reassuring herself that it wouldn't take too long to copy 300+ pages manually. :-0

i went to a mall. you pay the parking fee at the exit. someone must have given the cashier guy a huge, gigantic note, because he had to run into the mall to get change for the numb-skull. guess who slipped her shades on and mimed to Manson while hating the world on a bright sunny afternoon?

you know those guys who hoot at you from their "ride"? you know what happens to them when they get older? they sit with their friends outside Starbucks and hoot at young girls, that's what.

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04 October 2004 9:18 p.m.
i am ruining the internet

obligatory Jeff Ooi reference. spread the word, boys and girls!

and if you like this - , there're more here.

usually i go for a 3-in-1 coffee thing because i'm lazy (i'm a busy person, i need a lot of time to goof off) but since i'm maturing under duress (what next, underwire bras?), we gots us some brazilian coffee-type thing.

it's a bit weird, considering how i'm perving so much about Kaká lately, and now i'll have the taste of Brasilia in my mouth. i didn't even know Brazil grew coffee, i thought it was just Colombia.

oh wait, Colombia makes Shakiras.

since we're on the topic of footie, a girl in the mall yesterday caught my eye because of the t-shirt she was wearing - it said "sick of the Beckhams". damn straight. i'd like to get one of those.

it's stupid how suddenly everybody in the footie world is being compared to them - Kaká is Serie A's answer to Beckham? Helene Svedin can give Posh a run for her money?

please. this obssession for comparison is almost american.

just saw a repeat of AC Milan vs Reggina. why can't Rui Costa and Shevchenko keep their hands off Kaká?

addendum - must remember not to smile idiotically when there's brazilian coffee in my system. maybe a coca leaf fell into the mix.

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02 October 2004 3:55 p.m.
essential trivia

tigers can shag up to 100 times in 2 days.

"i... am NOBODY'S bitch. YOU... are MINE." - Jet Li's character from The One (even though there were 134 of him and there was this quasi-slash thing going on between him and Jason Statham, who apparently likes to stuff chinese chicks into car-boots).

i like that line.

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01 October 2004 2:07 p.m.
nasa loob ang kulo

Wowie claims that it means "the boil is inside". i assume it's the same as "still waters run deep" et al. it is also a good description of my zits, which are almost always an angry red.

it looks like the Puberty Fairy bitch-slapped me about the chops, but it's okay, only diamonds are forever, right?

i'm not in denial (that's for my shopaholicism) - i realise my face is blotchy but the world won't stop in its tracks and the sun will shine on because frankly my dears, no one gives a damn. besides me, of course.

i meant to write a proper article about the stuff i'm using on my face (though i draw the line at white vinegar) but after going to the lab today, my confidence has been exposed for the bravado it actually is.

preface - Captain Hook will tell you it's BAD FORM to be an idiot.

the bright side is that i have confirmed for myself which of my co-workers are idiots. you see, you DO NOT come in to the lab, say hi to everyone, and then break off in the middle of a sentence to stare at my face; and step closer for an exclusive close-up view of my blemished mug before brilliantly asking, "aiyo, what happened to your face?"

(it was a hit and run by the pustule truck, Einstein)

"i have pimples."

"ooh..."

*idiot stares*

*silence for all of 5 seconds*

"does it itch?"

"no."

*idiot stares harder*

"are you sure you don't have chicken pox?"

*IM finally loses her temper*

"gee, i dunno, maybe me getting pimples is god's way of making the ugly people feel better about themselves, eh? are you done staring?"

it's a shame other people aren't as well bred as i am. unfortunately, i was the one who buggered off home, where i am now, typing this with toothpaste on my face. whee. did you know i used to say that line over and over in my head?

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30 September 2004 3:58 p.m.
if your sweetheart sends you a letter of goodbye, you'll feel better if you cry

Raúl y Mamen ya están tramitando su divorcio de what did you say?!

0_o

i've forgotten most of my spanish, but that last word needs no translation. neither does "multimillonario patrimonio".

i feel so disappointed - it's like watching the break-up of my favourite soap opera couple, except i don't watch soaps and... i think i have to tell people...

here's a translation i cobbled together with help from the ever-clunky freetranslation.net.

"the footballer and his wife, married since 1999 have already discussed the terms of the multi-million patrimony.

the marriage of Raúl González and Mamen Sanz has been effectively over since the summer of 2004. this, to many, is thought to be the break-up of one of football's most enduring couples.

their lawyers have already negotiated a divison of the Real Madrid captain's earnings, which register an annual net total of 9 million euro, which is a combination of his salary, and his image and publicity contracts. Raúl has a contract with the Merengues until June 30, 2010, which will bring him approximately 105 million euro, (54 million net - equivalent to 9 million pesetas) when he is 32. the player is also a majority shareholder in a company registered in his name. the profit made by the company is a point of contention between the soon-to-be ex-couple, and is expected to feature in the patrimonial pay-out.

a salvage operation in january

in an effort to save their marriage, the pair travelled to Rome without their children Jorge and Hugo. it is assumed that they sought intimacy to resolve their differences.

although the reason for the break-up is not publicly known, it is speculated that Mamen had a lover. however, those close to them accuse Raúl of infidelity.

four years of happiness and two children

after a short engagement of 18 months, Raúl and Mamen were married on July 1, 1999; on a farm of the castle of Villafranca in Madrid. shortly after that, their first son, Jorge, was born on February 25, 2000. 2 years later, they welcomed the arrival of little Hugo, who completed the family."

honestly, all i did was google for his pictures. how dare you get a divorce without telling me?!

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