21 March 2004 1:59 p.m. I'm terza rima, and I talk and smile.
what's not to like - it has my name in it
What Poetry Form Are You?
Where others lock their rhymes and thoughts away
I let mine out, and chatter all the while.
I'm rarely on my own - a wasted day
Is any day that's spent without a friend,
With nothing much to do or hear or say.
I like to be with people, and depend
On company for being entertained;
Which seems a good solution, in the end.
so sorry!
my bad, i went and pinged PPS 4 times, and they only showed up this morning! i prolly shoulda stopped when i saw the 'timeout' messsage, right?
this afternoon i went and made a pig of myself eating bakuteh. it's nothing like balut - it's a pork stew. it was great, but i wish we didn't have to fight traffic all the way there.so terrible wan, it didn't matter if the car was a merc or a kancil or even a fucking hyundai suv, everybody was an asshole.
moral - don't drive around the jalan barat area.
game tonight. will they or won't they play like they're supposed to?
19 March 2004 7:02 p.m.nociceptive receptors are working at full ability!
it hurts very much when i get my period. not mind-numbing, excruciating pain, but pain nevertheless. fortunately, i don't curl up into a ball and whimper the rest of the day away.
unfortunately for others, the pain makes me very angry, and then it's a very bad time for other drivers.
my car is red, to match my mood.
18 March 2004 2:48 p.m.what the...18 March 2004 10:53 a.m.
i think it's supposed to be profound somehow...
argh, i'm turning into my mother! i walked into the kitchen just now and started killing the ants on the the countertop.
(the ants are a funny lot, you see, they tend to move around during the rainy season, so it's not unusual to see black or brown lines marching around the garden, interpersed by the occasional speck of white where the ant larvae are carried by the nurse ants. and along comes my mum with a kettle of fresh-boiled water. end the story of the ants.)but i digress. does every girl live in fear of turning into her mother? why? don't you hear people saying, "oh, my mum's like this and that and she's all that, but i wouldn't want to be her."?
is it because turning into your mother would mean the invalidation of everything you've striven to be(come)? that all your years of 'being your own person' are nothing but acting based on an existing template? that 'breaking the mold' means nothing at all?
i wonder if it's actually a fear of growing old. looking at your mother is watching yourself age. she is what you will be in 30 years. who looks forward to that?
one thing about epiphanies - they're over-rated. of course, you hardly resemble Keanu Reeves, so why should anything vaguely Neo-like happen to you? hollywood has given us (or me) false expectations of what an expansion of consciousness is supposed to mean. there is no pill. inner revelations have no need of physical manifestation.
i think the best representation of an epiphany was the one in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, where Li Mu Bai (Chow Yuen Fatt) said that when he was meditating, he'd felt a deep sadness, instead of the complete peace that enlightenment is supposed to bring. some may argue that he may not have actually reached enlightenment, but i support the idea that this world is a 'vale of tears'.
but the point is - the epiphany is yours and yours alone, and no one wil know about it unless you say something. until then, it will remain your great discovery (or maybe not so great).
to use an allegory - there is a cave somewhere in which water constantly drips onto a rock. each drop of water represents an individual, and each time a drop of water hits that rock with a plink, that individual has an awakening that may or may not have bearing on his life.
the immediate effect is, of course, on the drop of water, which fragments (?). the secondary effect is on the area around the stone, which can be likened to the general populace. but just how the individual affects this remains to be defined. the rock, of course, is the last to be affected by the water - it will eventually be hollowed out, and the water will pool there.
what remains to be seen is what the rock represents and what it would mean to have the water pool in it.
not only that, you can never know for sure if you've had the ultimate epiphany because there's no one to tell you so. after all, if someone was to say, "that's exactly what i think!", it doesn't mean that it's the greatest secret of mankind - it just means that two people think alike.
also - saying things like "it's survival of the fittest" when you already have an advantage only proves you're an asshole.
and - nice guys finish last, and they leave the bite marks, too.
oh, the humanity...
the great malaysian mega sale is upon us. it came in like a lion and will bleat its way out of March. with a heart full of hope, and a pocket full of nothing, i made my way to the Dr Martens shop because, as you know, i have a dream.
anyway, the last time i went there, there was this gorgeous, swirly flame-patterned boot on the shelf that i knew i had to have, but i was cruelly thwarted by the price.
today, the magic word was hanging in the doorway, i.e. S-A-L-E. praise be and hallelujah. 40% off a RM399 price tag is no laughing matter!
alas, my women's size 8 feet did not measure up to the men's size 6, which was the smallest size they had for the gorgeous swirly-flamed honeys.
i must be strong.
16 March 2004 8:25 a.m.point and click
have finally seen The Last Samurai. yeaaah, Hiroyuki Sanada. he was wearing my colour in it (blue). yeaaahhh.
14 March 2004 9:38 a.m.question
my my, Raul can work himself up into a fine head of steam when he wants to. un preguntas - how do two german and spanish footie teams get into an argument if they don't speak each other's language?
maybe, "biatch, he's mine!" is universal.
13 March 2004 7:35 p.m.from every angle imaginable...
and he still looks that good? he must be an alien.
... do terrorists watch football?
13 March 2004 7:25 p.m.if i were you, bitch, i'd buy clothes that fit.
wah... i'm so hungry now. i'm gagging myself in my haste to get those japanese crackers down my throat. don't try to be clever.
we will be going to my cousin's birthday party tonight. i can't wait to see those screaming brats again.
Aragorn Viggo with a whip. nice.
we had our last exam today. i believe that the last 15 minutes of your last paper ever are the longest 15 minutes of your life. the anticipation i felt was keener than any new year's eve countdown, but i don't fancy those anyway.
the aftermath was a flurry of picture-taking (moi? surely not) and writing in autograph books. practice for the future, kekeke.
when i got to the faculty in the morning, the sky was dim, and an iron-grey cloud delinated the border between hope and gloom. after the exam, the sun was shining, the sky was a bright cornflower blue (as they say), and cotton-puff clouds had replaced the earlier ones. the sunshine brought out the brilliant colour of the tree in the middle of the courtyard, and if it wasn't for the doctor passing by, i would have just stood there, laughing at how good things looked. everything was so vivid, it was surreal.
*gags on another cracker*
so that's the last exam, and it's effectively marked the end of my course. the future stretches out before me like an endless, blank, grey expanse. i'm ready to run away and hide.
but i think i'm going to miss it too. more than i miss sensei, ahaha.
well, okay, i have to decide if i want to go to work straightaway as an insurance underwriter, or bum around for a month before starting my master's degree. that is, assuming any lecturer would trust me with their research grants...
assuming i want to commit 3 - 4 years of my life to more academicia.
*gags on the prospect and another cracker*
how ah? what would you do? and no answers about how you're planning to find Dr. Nii et al., please. what's a nice name like Hannah doing on a piece of work like you anyway?
i still have no idea what to do.
about Hiroyuki Sanada - for those who have seen his other movies (e.g. Twilight Samurai and Onmyoji et al.), does it always happen to his characters ah?
